Category Archives: General Thoughts
This post has been a long time coming, but recent dreams have made it a necessity, so I can explore my thoughts on this subject.
First, so we’re all on the same page – let me do a bit of explaining. Mistress and I had been doing a little bit of reading over on Sugarbutch. Ohhhh that blog gets me in trouble. We were reading a few of the posts Sinclair writes about his daddy/girl experiences, and Mistress let it slip that she liked it. We didn’t really discuss it much more than that, but I’m pretty sure we both remember the conversation.
Then, last night, I had a dream. One of those fantastically vivid dreams. I dreamed that Mistress was fucking me hard. In a moment of childishness, I reached up, tugging on her neck and pouting a bit, and said “fuck me harder, daddy!” The dream continued and these tiny moments happened again and again. Once, as she kissed me softly, I pulled back for a moment, whispering a tiny “thank you, daddy” into her mouth. Again, as we were teasing each other in a casual foreplay. She flicked my clit just once, and a tiny “daddy” came out as a soft moan. And finally, perhaps my favorite moment of all, when we were snuggled after sex just talking softly before we fell asleep, I absentmindedly whispered “I love you daddy”, and she smiled.
When I woke up this morning, I realized that I really like all this “daddy” talk. I texted Mistress about it this afternoon, and she had just as favorable a reaction as I had. But it just makes sense. She’s my protector and always makes sure I’m happy, and she spoils me. I’m her little one, her baby. So if the occasional “daddy” slipped out during sex, I don’t think I’d be too upset. In fact, I’d probably find it incredibly sexy.
But anyway. A part of me thinks I’m just missing Mistress a lot today. It’s okay though. Four more days until I can fall asleep in her arms again.
My parting thought to you – pillow talk from what I think would be Mistress’ perspective:
All the aftercare pillowtalk when her eyes sparkle and she is flushed, glowing. All that light in her laugh and feather-soft touches make me feel easier, like I make sense. I’ve said it before but she is very easy to love, easy to spend time with, easy to adore, easy to shower with affection.
I’m so excited! Next weekend is the first time Mistress and I will be able to spend more than just a couple hours together since May. In fact, I’ll be able to spend two whole nights in her bed! Soooo excited! We have a massive wishlist of things we want to try this schoolyear but this coming weekend is particularly special for a couple reasons:
- Mistress and I have picked out and purchased a strap-on. Not just any strap-on either, but one that’ll satisfy my cravings for deeeeeeepp penetration. We’ll (hopefully) be breaking it in and practicing, so I’m extremely excited for all aspects of that. I don’t know how much of it we’ll get to next weekend but I definitely want to practice a bit before the big trip in a month.
- I own a set of nipple clamps, but next weekend will be the first time that Mistress will get a chance to use them on me herself instead of instructing me from afar.
- The same goes for my anal plug. We tried to use it once this summer but there just wasn’t enough time or space to do it without actually hurting me.
- The snuggling. Ohhmygoodness the snuggling. I’m Mistress’ little cuddle whore and I think I’m more excited about falling asleep in her arms or her in mine than anything else. It’s something that I’ve missed so much this summer. So much so that I’ve gotten out of work some days and texted her, saying “lets snuggle tonight”. She’ll text back agreeing, and then I’ll head home, snuggling under the blankets and cuddling my pillow and her shirt tightly against me.
- Making it all about her. This summer has been so much about me, in terms of the sex, unfortunately. Next weekend, Mistress will be tired from her activities during the day, and I fully intend to snuggle on the couch or something while she’s watching tv and just suck on her nipples, since she loves that so much.
I’m really excited, if you couldn’t tell, and I’m sure I’ll have a lot to report!
When Mistress and I are apart, we’re typically constantly in contact with each other if we’re not at work or otherwise engaged. It’s really comforting, because the distance has been a little hard on me this summer. Not only have I missed her company and her smile and the way her eyes light up when she talks about things, I’ve missed that in-person submission.
Lately, that desire to submit has translated into text-scenes. The first time it happened, I sent her a text that said something to the effect of “*curled up at your feet, sighing with contentment, watching you work*” and it kinda just flowed from there but lately they’ve expanded into full-on scenes, and I love it.
For example, late last night, we had one of these text-submission scenes. My contribution is in bold and hers is in plain text.
*kneeling between your feet, hands behind my back, head bowed, I whisper, “Mistress, may I touch you?”
*looks over with a cocked eyebrow, “excuse me?*
*clearing my throat and speaking a little louder, “Mistress, may I please have permission to touch you?”*
*Leaning back, turning back to my computer, “Have you earned it?”*
*bowing my head further, knowing the answer, I respond “no, Mistress”.*
*”That’s right. So either earn it, or stay in your place”*
*standing quietly, I place a nipple clamp on each nipple, wrapping the chain around my wrists, and walk over to your bathroom, cleaning it spotlessly*
*looking up with a smirk, “well done”*
*kneeling before you again, nipple clamps still in place, I ask permission to touch you again.*
“still looking a tad unimpressed, “I suppose”*
*unwrapping the chain from my wrists, I slip it around your legs, effectively chaining myself to you. I kiss each of your feet once, and begin the slow crawl up your legs, wincing each time the chain catches on the couch*
*shifts my legs here and there, just to be mean*
*as I get close to the top of your thighs, the chain catches behind your knees, and won’t move. I reach to fix it and you stop me, instructing me to leave it as it is. I place a kiss between your thighs, then resuming present, my nipples pulled taut thanks to the chain that’s caught, I ask permission to touch your pussy*
*Pulling the chain a little more, I grant you permission*
*I spread your legs gently, effectively pulling the chain tighter. I slide down and gently run my tongue along your slit, dipping in and flicking your clit lightly. Every time I pull up, the chain pulls. However, in an effort to please Mistress, I don’t make a sound*
*I relax, letting you work*
*I lick and flick your clit with my tongue, sliding two fingers inside your pussy, starting a gentle rhythm. The more the chain pulls, the hornier I get, and the faster the rhythm of fucking you gets*
*encouraging you, I start to ride your fingers*
*I’m fucking you as fast and as deep as I can, as I take your clit into my mouth and toy with it using my tongue. Then I casually slide one finger in your ass, twisting gently as I keep fucking you*
*I buck a little harder, keeping up with your face*
*flicking your clit faster and faster, I coax you closer to orgasm, as I fuck you as fast as my fingers will go*
*I orgasm, arching my back and pushing into you*
*whimpering a little, I suck your clit into my mouth and hold it there as you come*
*smiling softly, I look up at you, your cum on my lips, hoping you’ll grant me a reward*
*I pet your hair gently, kissing you softly. “Again, you little whore”*
*smiling with pleasure, I sink back between your legs, starting all over again*
*I hold your head and tug your hair here and there*
*moaning as you pull, I keep working your clit, coaxing you back to the edge again. I fuck you gently this time, penetrating slowly and deeply, pulling out even slower. My chain catches on the couch, pulling my nipples hard, and my cry of pain gets muffled by your pussy, turning it into a hum against your clit*
*recognizing that little hum, I spread my legs a little more, pulling the chain tighter*
*I fight to keep from slipping into subspace as I continue flicking your clit and slowly increasing the speed at which I’m fucking your pussy*
*I wrap my legs around you, pushing you closer to the brink, testing you a little*
*Feeling my nipples being simultaneously stretched tight and pressed against you, I fight so hard to keep from slipping into subspace, my moans of pain actually helping me stimulate your clit. I continue fucking you harder, as I trace my tongue along your slit and rim your ass gently.*
*I pull your hair tight, matching the pressure on your nipples*
*slipping into subspace, I manage to keep flicking your clit, the action being almost natural now*
*I pull away, holding you in subspace, pulling tighter on your clamps*
*crumpling against you, I slip deeper, the clamps being pulled tighter, succumbing to the feelings, trusting you to keep me safe*
*pulling your head back, I start to kiss your neck, then bite hard, pushing you*
*deep in subspace, all I can do is beg for more. The words finally form, and I whisper softly, “more…pain”*
*pulling your chain again, I keep your head held back and start nibbling your neck and lips*
*starting to slip out of subspace, I moan exquisitely, moving back to present, nipples pulled taut, awaiting your instructions*
*”fuck yourself, whore.”*
*obeying, I spread my legs wide, my nipples still chained to your knees, and fuck myself. Already near orgasm, I fight off two, maybe three orgasms, before I gain control enough to speak and request permission to come*
*”ha, no, this is too fun to watch”*
*obeying still, I spread my legs wider, fucking myself deeply as if I were allowed to orgasm, and I start to rock against my hand, moaning and obviously dripping wet. I continue to fight off orgasm after orgasm, my eyes averted just below yours*
*showing you my breasts, “do you want them, whore? Work for it.”*
*launching harder into fucking, I can’t stand it a moment longer. I’ve fought off a couple dozen orgasms and I cry out, crumpling at your feet, nipples still chained to your knees, as I succumb to the biggest orgasm to date.*
*pats your head, “well done little one”*
*whispering a quiet “thank you Mistress”, I lay quietly at your feet, awaiting your next command.*
*”relax dear, join me”, patting the couch*
*crawling onto the couch and into your lap, I promptly fall asleep, almost purring as I snuggle against you”*
*leans down, kissing your head and petting you*
Over these past few scenes, I’ve discovered a few things.
- Mistress casually mentioned about a week ago that she likes her ankles and the inside of her wrists kissed. I’ve included variations of that into the text-scenes to gauge what she likes about it. I’m really excited to include it in our upcoming adventures next weekend (more on that in a later post). I want to try those almost-sucking kisses she places on my hand on the inside of her wrists and I want to try tonguing her ankles lightly, hitting those typically-ticklish spots before I kiss them.
- I really like an almost pet-like version of submission. It’s more than just handing over the control over my body. I really like the idea of being curled up at Mistress’ feet and similar things. I like not thinking and just submitting to the commands Mistress gives, and as much as I whine, I love the training. I’ve fallen in love with tuna salad, started to lose weight, and expanded my general horizons through Mistress’ training.
- I like that while I have a strict set of rules for everyday use, Mistress entrusts me with the responsibility of following, expecting that she shouldn’t have to ask me to follow them. The only time she actually points out my negligence in following them is in the bedroom (where she’s generally more dominant to begin with) or when I’m being really insubordinate for whatever reason.
- I would be perfectly content to (with permission) pull Mistress onto my lap and gently tease/suck her nipples until she asked me to stop. I really like the way her nipples fill the hole where my lips make an “o”.
While this is a blog about Mistress and I’s experiences, it is also a venue for me to explore my sexuality and who I am.
I want to explore Femme Invisibility. Many of the blogs I follow have written about it lately and it’s time I write about it myself.
When I first came out, S (Mistress, just in casual context) was the first person I one-on-one told. She congratulated me, said that she had known for awhile but didn’t want to push the issue, and told me that I was going to struggle. I questioned her comment, and she said something to the effect of “sweetheart, you’re a flaming fem”.
Fem. Femme. What is that to me? Well, unlike S most days, it means I’m obsessed with fashion. That I fix my hair religiously, wear makeup like it’s my job, love dresses, etc. All that little girl who plays with dolls stuff.
I started doing my reading and I found tons of resources. For those who are interested, they’re listed at the bottom of this post.
I found out four key things. A – I’m not alone. B – I may struggle with issues from the straight community. C – The queer community may not properly understand me. D – I’m into butch girls and well, butch girls are scared of me (on the surface).
So Mistress used “heel” for the first time yesterday. Pardon me for sounding like a sorority girl, but ohmygod it was perfect. We were walking down the sidewalk and she said something that provoked me, and I stopped walking. She turned around, and looking at me, simply said “heel”. It was so simple, so subtle, that it was perfect. I obeyed, walking the regulatory one pace behind, until she offered me her arm and indicated that I could walk next to her again.
As the day progressed, one more simple d/s moment slipped into our afternoon. As Mistress was engaging in her usual tease/denial activities, she progressed to actual sex. I promised that I wouldn’t orgasm until she allowed it, and she looked back at me smiling, knowing I’d obey. she coaxed me to the edge of orgasm and I backed myself off. She coaxed again and I backed down. She coaxed once more and once more I backed down. Mistress was genuinely pleased that I had backed myself off the edge no less than five times before she allowed me to orgasm.
Yesterday was a mix of interesting and perfect. 🙂
The parts for my collar also arrived in the mail yesterday and I literally cannot WAIT until O/our small and simple collaring ceremony. I’ve been working extremely hard on my Statement of Commitment, as well as the editing of O/our contract and I am truly excited to see them be put to use.
I apologize for the randomness of this post but I had one final thought that I wanted to document. I’ve been thinking about asking Mistress to use Operant Conditioning. There are four things in Pavlovian Conditioning; Unconditioned stimulus (US), Unconditioned Response (UR), Conditioned Stimulus (CS) and Conditioned Response (CR). If Mistress were to correlate a simple act with a sexual one (say licking something off her finger correlated to a clitoral orgasm or running her fingers through her hair to very hard making out), she could, in effect, train me to be aroused by simple casual acts. The effect, I believe, could be quite delicious.
So last week, Mistress and I engaged in our usual sextivities, with one teensy change.
She teased me so much and so badly, that this dirty talk started to spill out of my mouth. First, it was a teensy “Tell me I’m your little whore”. Then it was a little “Show me I’m your slut, your slave”. Then it progressed to “Show me I’m worthless, that I’m nothing, that I’m just your pet, your toy”.
My mind was racing. Where is all this coming from? All this was coming from the little submissive who’s too nervous to make suggestions in bed, because she hates talking about sex face to face. And here I am, begging Mistress to talk dirty to me, telling her I wouldn’t come unless she demanded for me to do so.
And then it hit me. All this time, I’ve slowly been dancing the line between toying with submission and succumbing to it. I’ve gone from enjoying it during sex to reallyyyy needing it to get off. But not just to get off. I’ve found that completing my chore log is now one of my favorite activities each day. In fact, I’ve grown to miss it on the weekends. And even more than that, I’ve found myself seeking out ways to please Mistress each day, silently hoping she’ll notice, and I’ll get that tiny hint of praise from her.
That’s where talking dirty comes in. When Mistress drove me to the edge of orgasm last week and forced me to stand there, teetering on the edge, while still driving me closer to orgasm, I saw the pleasure on her face. I saw the satisfaction she gained from teasing her little pet. And that’s when I wanted to give her more. Satisfaction wasn’t enough. I wanted her to be able to show me just how much she owned me. And so I asked her to.
And now I hope she does every single time we have sex 🙂
This morning, she texted me the perfect kiss. It started with me on my knees and ended with a breathless almost-kiss, as she whispered the word “whore” into my mouth. Utter bliss.
And that is why my Mistress is the best Mistress in the world.
I headed home last Sunday to be with my family and visit Mistress for the week. Because I was going to be amongst family and likely be busy, eating out, catching up, and just all around having fun, Mistress granted me a week off from my chore log.
Day one, it was liberating. It was kindof nice to not have to think about that 10pm deadline or do chores while I was home.
Day two, the excitement began to wane. I felt like I was missing something or forgetting something and it put me on edge a little. When I realized it was my chore log, I texted Mistress, and that’s when she told me I’d been given the week off.
Day three, I really started to miss it. I missed the routine, I missed pleasing Mistress, and I noticed that I was getting a lot sassier with Mistress. I asked for an orgasm during a completely inappropriate moment (Mistress and I were saying our goodbyes after a few days of time together). Not only did I get one orgasm, but I asked for another. I should have never asked for the first one.
Day four, I noticed that I was getting much bolder in my conversations with Mistress, and I also noticed a deep desire to serve. Mistress was actually feeling ill, so my desire to serve was filled a little bit, as I was able to text her and try to encourage her and make her feel better.
Day five was awful. I realllllyyyyyy wanted to serve Mistress, but she was treating me as her equal. I found myself provoking her over and over again, to the point of needing to be punished.
I’m not exactly sure what it is about my chore log that I like, but I definitely know that I have grown to need it. I felt almost punished this last week, as I was almost denied the opportunity to serve Mistress. I was able to serve her sexually when we were together, but I wasn’t able to serve her through everyday tasks like I enjoy doing. I think I’ve found that I like the two equally – something I didn’t realize when we started our BDSM experience. I’ve also learned that sex isn’t everything. Mistress gave me close to 20 orgasms from Sunday night to Wednesday morning, and now I have to wait until next Friday (Yes, July 6th) for another orgasm. However, as the time goes by, my underlying need for sex is there, but I’m gaining control of it. Perhaps that was Mistress’ plan after all. I’m sure I’ll be practically begging by Friday, but until then, I’m learning to control my desires.
When Mistress and I first started our d/s relationship, we took time to come up with a bare-bones outline of what W/we’d like to see in the relationship. This framework became O/our expectations, found here. As W/we progressed, new things came up, other parameters were needed.
Next, a set of punishments were created, which are still in place today. Mistress wrote up a list of about 30 punishments and then asked me to rank them from 1-10, in terms of least “painful” to most “painful”. I did as she directed, and then W/we collaborated on enough others to fill out the list. She did reserve some “non-debatable” punishments (outlined at the bottom of the punishments page) that she could use instead of one of the ranked punishments, depending on the severity of my infraction.
As the punishments found their place, W/we decided that daily chores would be appropriate as well. Mistress outlined things she’d like me to do and I was permitted to offer suggestions as well. As W/we worked, W/we found a list of simple chores and tasks that would remind me of my place yet still serve a purpose and not be mindless work. I submit a daily chore log to Mistress before 10pm and outline my work. She then awards me points based on my successes or failures. I must have earned 13 points by the end of a Monday-Friday time period to be granted an orgasm.
As these chores were found to be successful, I still had a desire to serve Mistress. She then created a list of things I could do when I was with her, my favorite being that I get the privilege of servicing her to orgasm each night. She allowed me to express my wishes again, and as a result, we have determined that washing her hair is something I might earn as a special reward. I’m very excited for that reward to happen :]
Today, W/we finally came up with rules. As I told Mistress, I was very excited about this. I believe that she was shocked that the anal plug rule is my favorite. (Secret time: I really like anal. Mistress introduced it into O/our sex life a couple months ago and it is one of my favorite things.)
I’m excited to see how the implementation of the new rules works.
Well, two posts in one day. I’m all out of ideas
Hello! This blog is the launching pad for recording my latest life change – that of offering submission to my Dominant. So that we’re all on the same page, I’m dividing this post into three sections: O/our lifestyle, why did I choose this blog title, and what exactly I’m hoping to learn. If you have advice to offer, you’re welcome to comment, as I’d love to learn as much as I can!
It’s important to understand what exactly W/we (Mistress and I) have agreed on for O/our lifestyle. W/we are not a 24/7 dominant/submissive pair, but W/we do implement portions of dominance and submission into our daily lives. I do have daily chores that are reported to Mistress in my daily chore log and this blog is another part of my submission, but I don’t call her Mistress every moment of every day. W/we do have specific personas for O/our lifestyle, so that I’m not just a plaything and so that Mistress has some creative input, as she likes that. I’ll go into more detail on that in a future post.
Why I Chose This Blog Title:
Mistress and I spent the first few weeks of O/our relationship outlining what was expected, wanted, etc. I do have a list of punishments (I’ll go into detail in a later post) and Mistress does have very clear expectations for me, but W/we don’t have a massive amount of pain that is used. Hence the “satin” in my spankings. Yes, Mistress uses clothespins on me, etc, but W/we don’t need a ton of pain for me to understand my place.
What I’m Hoping to Learn:
Mistress made creating this blog one of my assignments for this week, but I am hoping to learn more about O/our lifestyle. I think Mistress wanted to be able to read about my thoughts on O/our relationship, but I also wanted an opportunity to put my thoughts on paper and be able to track my development.
In the interest of keeping this first post short, I’ll end there.