While this is a blog about Mistress and I’s experiences, it is also a venue for me to explore my sexuality and who I am.
I want to explore Femme Invisibility. Many of the blogs I follow have written about it lately and it’s time I write about it myself.
When I first came out, S (Mistress, just in casual context) was the first person I one-on-one told. She congratulated me, said that she had known for awhile but didn’t want to push the issue, and told me that I was going to struggle. I questioned her comment, and she said something to the effect of “sweetheart, you’re a flaming fem”.
Fem. Femme. What is that to me? Well, unlike S most days, it means I’m obsessed with fashion. That I fix my hair religiously, wear makeup like it’s my job, love dresses, etc. All that little girl who plays with dolls stuff.
I started doing my reading and I found tons of resources. For those who are interested, they’re listed at the bottom of this post.
I found out four key things. A – I’m not alone. B – I may struggle with issues from the straight community. C – The queer community may not properly understand me. D – I’m into butch girls and well, butch girls are scared of me (on the surface).
Whew. Let me start with this had me so hot I had to change my panties 🙂
I’ve been reading and reading and reading various BDSM articles and blogs lately, per Mistress’ request to hone my art and understand my craft. Late late late last night I stumbled across the perfect site. I’m a very femme lesbian, submissive as all hell, dating a rather butch lesbian with moderate trans tendencies. Reading this site was like reading scenes from Mistress and I’s very own sexcapades. However, reading them from an outsider perspective gave me massive insight into the things that we might try to make our sex life just that teensy bit better.
What is this magical site of wonder? – you ask.
Just go. Don’t ask questions, just go.
Authored by the illustrious Sinclair Sexsmith, the work is fantastic. I wish I had the writing prowess he does. Between the advice I’ve gleaned just by reading and the pleasure I’ve experienced just by perusing, I’ve likely spent half of the past 24 hours in front of those Chronicles. Good thing it’s a Sunday.
Be sure to join the mailing list too, as then you receive the password that unearths all kinds of mystical wonder (the password protected works).
Well, I’m going to go back to my perusing. Happy reading! 🙂
Written just for fun for Mistress
I walk in the room, and immediately fall to my knees at your feet. It’s your birthday, and there I knelt before you, wearing nothing, head bowed, yours for the using. You tilted my chin up, kissing me gently, and said, “it’s my birthday. Make me happy”. With a smile on my face, I obeyed. I kissed back, even more gently than you had kissed me. Reaching for your shirt, I pulled it over your head. Leaning in, I took first one nipple, then the other, into my mouth. Swirling my tongue around each nipple gently, I coaxed them to erection. I sucked and flicked and tugged and tongued your nipples until you began to moan. I kept one nipple in my mouth, tugging gently with my teeth, sucking, then tugging again, as I traced a line down your body, to your pussy. Running a finger casually along your slit, I dipped inside, thrusting all the way in. Pulling out, slowly, I make eye contact with you, taking the entirety of my finger in my mouth, enjoying the taste of you on my finger. Tracing back down your body, I slip my finger inside you again, thrusting, filling you as full as I could. And then, I start a rhythm. Intentionally only grazing your clit occasionally, I fuck your ass and your pussy with one hand, encouraging you to suck the fingers of my other hand. As I increased my rhythm, I slid my fingers out of your mouth, so as to rub your clit intentionally. i slowly but purposefully intensify the rhythm of my fingers until you’re being fucked fast and hard. feeling you begin to rock against my hands, i intensify the rhythm further, bringing you to the brink of orgasm. Right before you come, I kiss you, hard, keeping you from throwing your head back. That inability to move, that restraint of motion, just intensifies your orgasm further as you have no outlet for the intensity of the feeling. Coaxing you through your orgasm and back down off the edge, I kiss you gently, and kneel before you, legs spread wide, tits pushed out, waiting for whatever abuse or torture you might decide to throw my way.
This is from early May. Not pleased with the quality, but I like the general scenario.
It’s midafternoon, and I’ve been well behaved all day. You lead me up to your room and invite me to join you in bed. I do, pleased that I’ve gained your favor. As I lie with my head on your shoulder, you gently stroke my hair, cuddling with me. I’m quite content, and my breathing slows, as I feel all my stress and worry leaving me, just glad to be with you.
You lean over and begin kissing me gently and I smile, hoping that our sexual encounter might be romantic in nature. Your finger gently traces my jaw line and I weave my hand into your hair, kissing you back with the same gentle, passionate kisses. You reach down between my legs and flick my clit once, with just one finger. I let out a soft moan and you smile, kindly, asking me to please be quiet. I slowly let my guard down, almost positive that you plan to be kind to me today. After all, I’ve done as you instructed all day.
You suck on my fingers suggestively, occasionally flicking a nipple or nibbling my ear, ensuring that I am aroused. You then kindly ask me to stand up and spread my legs, shoulder width apart. I obey, and you slip a vibrator in my pussy, turning it on a nice, low setting. You kiss me on the cheek and then turn to leave, discreetly taking the vibrator’s remote with you. You ask me to please remain where I am, that you’ll be back momentarily.
You leave, and moments, then minutes, begin to pass. Suddenly, I feel the vibrations getting stronger and stronger. I realize that you’ve taken the remote with you and I let out a soft moan. Struggling to remain standing motionless, as you’ve requested, I fight the sensations in my pussy. Then, the vibrator is going full speed. I clamp my pussy muscles, trying to hold the vibrator in, while also feeling my muscles pulse with arousal. I’m nearing the edge when suddenly my legs buckle, and I fall to my knees. Ashamed that I wasn’t able to withhold your one simple request, I hang my head.
You reenter the room at that moment and seeing me on my knees, you become very angry. You express your disgust at my lack of respect for your kindness and mercy, and you pull me to my feet by my nipple. You throw me on the bed, tying my wrists together above my head and commanding me to spread my legs. You begin by slowly swatting my pussy and then getting faster and harder, until I’m nearly screaming. You can tell that I’m still on the edge of orgasm, and so you lean forward, commanding me to close my eyes. When I do, you position your pussy right above my mouth, telling me that if I can’t bring you to one good orgasm, why do I deserve the same?
Struggling to push myself up, I begin licking and tongue-fucking you to the best of my ability, knowing that I’m not going to be able to split your attention long enough to get you to orgasm. I try, as best as I can, but I fail to arouse you even enough to please you.
You move, and beginning your torturous punishment, you smile. Slipping one finger just barely inside my pussy, you begin gently teasefucking me. You know the urgency and depth with which I wish to be fucked and you deny me, keeping me on that edge of orgasm. Untying my wrists, you offer me a chance at redemption.
“You have two minutes,” you say, “either I orgasm, or you suffer. Your choice.”
Working as furiously as I can, I suck one nipple into my mouth, as I slide a finger into your pussy and push another into your ass. You let out a small gasp at the intense sensation all at once. I get a good rhythm going, and I can feel you gently rocking with me. I smile, hoping that I’m finally going to please my mistress. As I rake my teeth across your nipple for what feels like the millionth time, I slam my fingers deep inside of you, and flick your clit, just once. You come, hard, and I smile in triumph. You ride the waves of your orgasm, and look up at me with disgust.
“Get off me,” you say.
I do as I’m told, and you leave, without so much as a thank you.
From time to time, I write casual erotica. Mistress occasionally requests a piece from me as well, in exchange for small treats. This is the first piece I’ve shared publicly, written for Mistress earlier today.
It’s 3am and I’m lying in bed next to you, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. I roll onto my side, looking over at you, perfectly asleep. Your lips, softly closed, so kissable. Your jaw, so sexy. Your hands, tucked under the pillow and near your face, so perfect. I lean over and gently kiss you, once. Then twice. Your eyes almost flutter open, and you smile your knowing smile, probably thinking that my need for sex is insatiable. (It is.)
Since you’re awake, I lean over, kissing you one more time. You gently kiss back, slowly getting more urgent, and then I stop, breaking the kiss. Moving lower, I softly take your nipple into my mouth. Tugging with my lips, sucking slowly, it gets harder and harder. You moan, lazily. Flicking your other nipple with my fingers, I continue, slowly and gently, until you’re a little frustrated at my lack of energy. Kissing each nipple gently I slide lower yet, kissing my way down your stomach, past your navel. Nudging your thighs apart with my cheek, I softly run my tongue along your slit. I do it again, dipping inside just a little. You’re already wet, and I giggle a little, flicking my tongue across your clit, pausing to make a circle, then flicking some more. Sliding my arms under your legs, I grip your hips, pulling you closer to my mouth.
As I lick and suck gently, you grow more and more urgent, frustrated that I’m not fucking you. You reach down and start rubbing your clit, and I lick along next to you, flicking the bottom as you rub the top. Tracing along your slit, I gently tongue fuck you, barely penetrating, just enough to make you even hornier. I slide first one, then fingers inside you, fucking slow and deep, matching your fingers on your clit. Catching on, you start rubbing faster. So I start fucking faster. You go faster. Then I do. Then you do. Then, matching your thrust against my face, I slide one finger in your ass, twisting as I keep fucking your pussy. Reaching up with my other hand, I lightly flick your nipple, catching you off guard. You moan, as the sensations start to build and work together.
Suddenly I stop. “Roll over,” I say. You do, and I push your knees up under you, angling for deeper penetration yet, and I start fucking you hard and fast, grazing your clit with my thumb, I coach you closer and closer to orgasm, when suddenly, I stop. “Meh, I’m tired”, I say, laying on my back. Not about to take no for an answer, you straddle my face, leaning over me, flicking my clit once, feeling how wet I am. You tell me that I don’t get to come unless you do. Starting to work your magic, you bring me to the edge of orgasm again and again, threatening me not to come. Not letting me even get a chance to touch you because I’m moaning so much, you keep it up, pushing me to the edge and forcing me to stop myself from coming again and again.
Finally you stop, and I seize the opportunity. Fucking you hard, flicking your clit with my tongue, I force you to orgasm hard and fast. You buck against my face and I suck your clit into my mouth as you ride your orgasm, moaning. Flicking your clit gently with my tongue, you rock against me, the tiny bits of pleasure pushing you right back to arousal.
As your orgasm subsides, you lean down, and do your worst – sucking my ass and my pussy, tugging on my clit with your teeth. I beg to be allowed to come, and you say no, again and again. You stop, crawl off me, snuggling next to me, and twisting my nipples hard, you command me to come. I obey, and orgasm hard. However, it’s nothing like the orgasm I’d hoped for, clitoral stimulation and all. I whimper in disappointment and you look at me smiling. “Maybe you shouldn’t tease your Mistress next time.”
So, last week, I didn’t earn an orgasm.
Mistress, being the kind woman she is, granted me an orgasm anyway, but through pain alone.
However, it is now Thursday of the following week and I am aching to play with my clit. Or touch my nipples. Or even to run my fingers along my slit.
This week has taught me that pleasing Mistress can’t just be an afterthought though. If I truly want to please her and earn a 3 on my chores, I have to actively work at it. Just because I do what I’m supposed to doesn’t mean I’ve earned a reward.
This brings me to my next thought – I’ve been complaining all week about how much I’d like an orgasm. However, when Mistress and I are together lately, I’ve gotten two, three, even four orgasms and she hasn’t gotten any. That’s not being submissive and serving at all. It’s something I need to work on and something I’ll definitely be addressing in my personal actions in the next few weeks.
Not only do I plan to address that, but I plan to do more things for Mistress in general, like sending her sweet/cute texts or just randomly/spontaneously doing things for her. She wakes me up every morning, helps me through all kinds of situations, and is always there for me so I plan to do more.
Well, that’s my August resolutions 🙂
Well. Yesterday was a rather interesting day. I managed to get punished twice within a two-hour timespan but I also made significant progress on my training as well. Not sure if I’d call that a successful day or not.
Mistress and I engaged in O/our usual tomfoolery and I managed to hold off orgasm 18 times (really excited)! Mistress also gave me the fastest orgasm of my life, after all that holding off, she made me orgasm in under five seconds (hard, fast, and rough). It was a scary but particularly delicious orgasm.
I’m getting better at kissing Mistress back, as she pointed out that I used to not do so. I think that my mind just usually melts when she’s kissing me and I have to fight to stay out of my subconscious so that I can kiss her back.
During sex today, Mistress and I’s lips tangled in this almost kiss. She would whisper words into my mouth, reminding me I’m her little whore, and I’d whisper back my promises not to orgasm. I actually realllyyyyy liked this. A lot.
I also went out to dinner with a [lesbian] couple I know last night and actually got a lot of sound advice in terms of Mistress/I’s relationship. I wanted to detail it out here so I have a record of it for future use.
- Don’t get too deep in the BDSM. W/we’re new at it and it’s important to ensure that W/we’re still maintaining O/our love for each other. Don’t turn the BDSM on 24/7 unless W/we’re both in a mood.
- Don’t forget about that vanilla sex. Sometimes it’s okay to have snuggle time and cute cuddly sex.
- Don’t let the positions you hold dominate your love for one another. Sometimes a dominant can forget to show their love to their sub. Don’t slip into that.Don’t get too caught up on sex. Sex is great, but do silly stuff too.
- It’s all in the little things. Sure, I don’t see Mistress all the time but it’s still okay to enjoy the little things like those good morning texts.
I’ll post the rest of it when I remember.
So Mistress used “heel” for the first time yesterday. Pardon me for sounding like a sorority girl, but ohmygod it was perfect. We were walking down the sidewalk and she said something that provoked me, and I stopped walking. She turned around, and looking at me, simply said “heel”. It was so simple, so subtle, that it was perfect. I obeyed, walking the regulatory one pace behind, until she offered me her arm and indicated that I could walk next to her again.
As the day progressed, one more simple d/s moment slipped into our afternoon. As Mistress was engaging in her usual tease/denial activities, she progressed to actual sex. I promised that I wouldn’t orgasm until she allowed it, and she looked back at me smiling, knowing I’d obey. she coaxed me to the edge of orgasm and I backed myself off. She coaxed again and I backed down. She coaxed once more and once more I backed down. Mistress was genuinely pleased that I had backed myself off the edge no less than five times before she allowed me to orgasm.
Yesterday was a mix of interesting and perfect. 🙂
The parts for my collar also arrived in the mail yesterday and I literally cannot WAIT until O/our small and simple collaring ceremony. I’ve been working extremely hard on my Statement of Commitment, as well as the editing of O/our contract and I am truly excited to see them be put to use.
I apologize for the randomness of this post but I had one final thought that I wanted to document. I’ve been thinking about asking Mistress to use Operant Conditioning. There are four things in Pavlovian Conditioning; Unconditioned stimulus (US), Unconditioned Response (UR), Conditioned Stimulus (CS) and Conditioned Response (CR). If Mistress were to correlate a simple act with a sexual one (say licking something off her finger correlated to a clitoral orgasm or running her fingers through her hair to very hard making out), she could, in effect, train me to be aroused by simple casual acts. The effect, I believe, could be quite delicious.
So, if Mistress ever did either one of these things to me, I might die from pleasure. The first one, because I love pain inflicted on my nipples. Mistress has noticed that lately and has been taking advantage of it, but I love how the position in the first picture reduces the woman to a state of completely and utterly powerless submission. The second one because I love when Mistress initiates kisses and I love the clear power that the dominant woman has in that kiss.
Just my thoughts 🙂
So last week, Mistress and I engaged in our usual sextivities, with one teensy change.
She teased me so much and so badly, that this dirty talk started to spill out of my mouth. First, it was a teensy “Tell me I’m your little whore”. Then it was a little “Show me I’m your slut, your slave”. Then it progressed to “Show me I’m worthless, that I’m nothing, that I’m just your pet, your toy”.
My mind was racing. Where is all this coming from? All this was coming from the little submissive who’s too nervous to make suggestions in bed, because she hates talking about sex face to face. And here I am, begging Mistress to talk dirty to me, telling her I wouldn’t come unless she demanded for me to do so.
And then it hit me. All this time, I’ve slowly been dancing the line between toying with submission and succumbing to it. I’ve gone from enjoying it during sex to reallyyyy needing it to get off. But not just to get off. I’ve found that completing my chore log is now one of my favorite activities each day. In fact, I’ve grown to miss it on the weekends. And even more than that, I’ve found myself seeking out ways to please Mistress each day, silently hoping she’ll notice, and I’ll get that tiny hint of praise from her.
That’s where talking dirty comes in. When Mistress drove me to the edge of orgasm last week and forced me to stand there, teetering on the edge, while still driving me closer to orgasm, I saw the pleasure on her face. I saw the satisfaction she gained from teasing her little pet. And that’s when I wanted to give her more. Satisfaction wasn’t enough. I wanted her to be able to show me just how much she owned me. And so I asked her to.
And now I hope she does every single time we have sex 🙂
This morning, she texted me the perfect kiss. It started with me on my knees and ended with a breathless almost-kiss, as she whispered the word “whore” into my mouth. Utter bliss.
And that is why my Mistress is the best Mistress in the world.